Entry for 13 August 2007

Oh well better late than never… Haven’t uploaded my new photos of Aiden’s birthday party on Saturday… it was absolutely hectic… In the absence of new photos immediately (which I have transferred to Flickr) I found this recent pic and thought it novel! Oopsie the pic is sideways and I don’t have a clue how to make it straight… will work on that! 🙂

Back to said birthday – The little man got another pair of shoes – when I saw them I thought silently”aaaawwwww cute, he will NEVER wear them…” He has a habit of posting things in the toilet and bin – and he’s not really ever loved wearing shoes – or clothes for that matter! Well he put his one foot out, I put said shoe on, he put his other foot out, I put other shoe on.. He slept in his shoes Sat night, Sunday took them off for a bath and then put them back on again… Slept in them Sunday night and wore them all day Monday until he disposed of his nappy and decided to wee-wee over them… Said shoes now sparkly clean after trip in washing machine, hoping they will dry by tomorrow – I am not sure if washing soft leather in the machine was a good idea, but we will see what they look like when they are dry!

Back to birthday party – we had to sing 12 times, fortunately we only needed 2 candles, very long sparkly things, which he was quite happy to blow out repeatedly… He passed out after guests left and I lay with him watching a family Christmassy movie on TV. An overwhelmingly suffocating loneliness came over me and a sense of loss – not for myself but for the person who is his father who has had and desires no contact with his beautiful son… I started thinking probably for the first time seriously “What do I tell my child when he asks, as he will ask, about his father?” Tell the truth and build an image of a completely uncaring member of the species, or just fob it off because dad doesn’t exist and never has throughout this little man’s lifetime… If only we as parents could think further than our own wants, needs and desires and maybe spare a thought for the little people that will grow up to be big people who have done nothing to deserve their rejection… Aiden’s father, if you ever read this, just know that you are missing out on the extremely important and formative part of your child’s life and it is so sad because no matter how hard I tried in the past I was unable to persuade you to take an interest or play even a small role in his life… Aaaah in any event, we have a magnificent little son who is growing by the minute and I guess the old saying is quite true – what he doesn’t know he cannot miss! I am truly blessed!

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